My life took a drastic turn from order to chaos when I received a diagnosis of severe and debilitating fibromyalgia. This condition compounded my existing health issues and introduced additional mental health challenges. Before fibromyalgia, I was managing hypothyroidism, panhypopituitarism, chronic carpal and cubital tunnel syndrome, autism, and ADHD. After the onset of fibromyalgia, I faced new struggles, including severe anxiety and depression, as well as other health-related challenges. According to my neurosurgeon, the removal of my pituitary tumor, a macroadenoma that compressed my ocular nerves and squished my anterior pituitary lobe, might have triggered the onset of fibromyalgia. My tumor removal surgery, usually a 45-minute procedure, extended to 3 and a half hours due to its complexity.
 

Becoming disabled unfolded as a dark and daunting process. I had to bid farewell to a 14-year career as a Project Manager that I deeply cherished and placed a great deal of my self-worth in. Activities that were once effortless became insurmountable, saying no to friends and family became the norm an a necessity, and unexpected mental health challenges surfaced. The journey led me through two years of profound depression and anxiety, during which I isolated myself from the world, and battled with finding a reason to continue fighting. Even with a robust support system, including my partner, parents, our cat, and friends, I struggled to find purpose and a reason to stay alive. Recognizing that I was grieving the loss of my former self and career marked a turning point, enabling me to embark on a healing journey.

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Chronic pain and disability reshaped my life profoundly, presenting challenges and opportunities for growth. For years, I tied my self-worth to my career and my success in it, and losing that anchor left me feeling worthless and burdensome. However, this experience taught me that I define my own self-worth, and I'm blessed with loved ones who reinforce that I am not a burden. Despite the hardships, becoming disabled brought valuable lessons — appreciation for the small joys, the importance of slowing down, celebrating even the smallest victories, and embracing life and love passionately. I discovered my own set of "superpowers," like misplacing things in my room, tripping over invisible obstacles, and somehow hurting every muscle when I do trip. Honestly, my true superpowers emerged as renewed and deepened compassion and love for both humans and animals, the ability to find light in the darkest places, and spreading joy despite my own struggles and 24/7 head-to-toe debilitating pain.
 

If you ever need someone to chat with, I'm here for you. Don't hesitate to add me on Discord (tavistars). I'm a compassionate and judgement-free listener.

I started a #SpoonieTips feed on Bluesky to share my chronic illness tips. Anyone is welcome to contribute their own advice by using the hashtag!

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If you're interested in an incredible YouTuber discussing disability and offering uplifting content, I recommend checking out Jessica Kellgren-Fozard.